hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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