You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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