Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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