What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
