HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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