i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
