I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
