i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to calm my uterus...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
