I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
