i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
