he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
