I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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