Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
