The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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