Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
