Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
In America we eat man semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
