My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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