I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
