In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
