we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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