My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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