Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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