Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
