Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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