You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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