I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
