P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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