I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
