I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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