So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
