my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
