I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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