im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
