Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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