Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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