I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
