SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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