Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
