I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
