There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
