I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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