I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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