I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
