I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
