Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
