i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
