The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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