You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
