You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
