her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
