Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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