they need to just BURY HIM!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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