One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
