They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
